So, it's that time of year again. Festival season is upon us. Time to dust off your old wellies and break out the raincoat, right? Well, wrong apparently as these days it seems that practicality has been tossed in favour of face jewels and body glitter. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for creativity and expressing yourself through fashion. You do you. Get down with ya bad self. Festivals can be a great chance for doing something a bit crazier with your look but seriously gals, you have to think practically. Gigi Hadid might look unreal in her booty shorts and fringed bralet as she saunters around Coachella but this look won't have the same effect when you're standing in a field in Stradbally in the torrential rain while your Coco Brown streams into a puddle. Here's a list of my top five unessential festival items.
Too Many Jewels
Ok, I know these are all the rage and I probably sound like a begrudging old witch but seriously, this whole face and body jewel thing has gotten way out of hand. It started off with a dash of glitter under the eyes and now young ones are going around in full jewel encrusted body armour looking like the damn Tin Man. Maybe I'm just jealous. Jealous of the fact that I can't even wear regular foundation without it sweating off around my mouth and making me look like Homer Simpson. Of course face jewels can look fabulous and I am amazed at the work that goes into creating these looks but I can't help but wonder what those perfectly placed gem stones will look like after a few naggins and a sweaty shift behind the portaloos.
Tons of Accessories
When it comes to festivals, less really is more. I know, sometimes accessories can make an outfit and while a flower crowns and chokers can seem like the perfect way to dress something up, there is a fine line between an accessory and nuisance. When you're at a festival, you want to be able to relax and enjoy yourself so the last thing you want if something wrecking your head or causing you unnecessary pain all day long. Chunky belts, dangling jewellery, anything tight, heavy or capable of rubbing against your skin should be avoided at all costs. Coco Chanel once said "before leaving the house, a lady should look in the mirror and remove one accessory." In this case, before leaving the house, a lady should look in the mirror and remove the glittery unicorn horn. You don't need it and it will probably end up being snatched off your head by some culchie singing Maniac 2000.
Impractical Clothing
It always amazes me when summer rolls around and I see the some of the shite that's being advertised as 'festival fashion'. Maxi skirts/dresses being one. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good maxi, they look dressy without any real effort and bonus, you don't have to shave your legs. However, there is a time and a place for them and unfortunately a festival is neither. Have you ever tried to walk through a muddy field wearing a maxi skirt? You may feel like a free spirited forest nymph but you will end up dragging along a large chunk of said field on the hem of your skirt. Not a good look. Also, playsuits are out of the question. I know, they are super cute and summery but try and consider the toilet situation. (Trying to unbutton a playsuit after a few cans and then having to hover naked over a smelly toilet while some young one hammers on the portaloo door telling you to hurry up.) Yeah...maybe give the playsuit a miss.
Impractical Footwear
I think it goes without saying that there are certain shoes that just should not be worn to festivals. Anything with a high heel or an open toe is a huge no-no. This is knowledge that I take for granted and assume that everyone is aware of but I continue to be surprised by the amount of people who wear RIDICULOUS shoes to outdoor music events. Seriously girls, don't be hung up on looking glamorous. Those Western style boots with the chunky heel may go really nicely with your outfit but you have to look beyond your Instagram photos and think about the long-term effects. Blisters, cuts, your heels sinking into the mud. Also, avoid gladiator sandals unless you want your toes to be left in a plaster cast of hardened mud.
Designer Bags
Everyone loves a designer bag and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want one. But gals, there's a time and a place. And a mucky field certainly isn't the place for your YSL blogger bag. Perhaps I sound a bit too over protective but just think about it. Rain, dirt, muck and not to mention the possibility of it being stolen by some little scourge. Get yourself a cheap little cross body bag from Penneys and be on your merry way. The same goes for jewellery and accessories. Leave your Michael Kors watch and your Ray Bans at home and invest in some cheaper alternative that you won't have to stress over. You can enjoy yourself without worrying about carrying your life savings under your arm in the form of a bag the size of a Tic Tac box.
