Things In Life That Don't Bother Me

I am not a perfectionist in any sense of the word. For the most part, I consider myself a fairly laid back and easy going person who takes things as they come. Often, I find myself looking at other people and thinking 'Wow, they really seem to have their life together. They always look so stylish and neat and I bet they smell good all the time' In the age of social media, I suppose it's inevitable that we will end up comparing ourselves to others at some stage. Whether it be fashion, fitness, makeup, you wonder how some people manage to get it so right all the time and you always just seem to end up getting it wrong. Despite the occasional existential crisis which leads me to believe that I am the human embodiment of shite, I feel that I have managed to come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect and there are some things in life that I just do not care about...

Uneven eyeliner

I am aware that this is something that drives other people crazy but eyeliner is not something that I have any passion for at all. I have nothing but admiration for you talented individuals out there that can create eye makeup akin to the frescoes in the Sistine Chapel, but my own skills are severely lacking in this department. Don't get me wrong, I have tried so hard. I've used so many different eyeliners and watched an infinite amount of tutorials but I just cannot seem to master the art of the eyeliner flick. In the past, this is something which would have sent me into a furious rage while doing my makeup, with me throwing myself on the bed and refusing to leave the house, but nowadays I've become more accepting of my wonky flicks. Anything that remotely resembles a line is good enough for me.

Dog hair on my clothes

Perhaps I have been so blinded by love for my dogs that their hair has become invisible to my naked eye. Yes I know that they shed and I am aware that I leave the house most days looking like Bigfoot but it just doesn't bother me anymore. Some may read this with complete disgust but if you have a pet that sheds then you'll know that being covered in hair is simply unavoidable. I know that there are ways of getting rid of it (I do own a lint roller, I'm not a complete savage) but sometimes I just cannot be arsed. Unless I'm going 'out out', a quick brush over with my hands is about as much effort as I can muster. I know people probably look at me in public and think that I'm a filthy animal but when I see another person with pet hair on their leggings I have nothing but understanding towards those who bear the emblem of their furry children.

Broken nails

In the past year or so, I have found myself caught in the vicious cycle of acrylic nails. You know, when you decide to get your nails done once and then your natural nails become so damaged and revolting that you are forced to continue getting acrylics again and again. I love having my nails done. It may sound stupid but when you have your nails done you feel like you have at least one area of your life in order. When you have your nails done, it gives you an undeniable confidence that allows you to live your life without having to worry about hiding your nail-bitten sausage fingers away from the world. I have my nails done fairly regularly but, as I work in a shop, I usually end up breaking at least one within a few days. I know that I could go back to the salon and have them repair the broken nail but jaysus, the effort... This is something that other people probably can't stand but I have grown to accept my broken nails and view them not as an inconvenience but more so a useful tool which provides easy access to pressing buttons and picking my nose. The same goes for toenails. Often, I forget I even have toenails. During the winter months my neglected  trotters are hidden away in boots and runners and it isn't until I want to wear an open toed shoe that I realise my toenails are so long I could probably climb trees with those bad boys.

Wearing the same pair of jeans for an unhygienic length of time

If you are a person who's body parts require a different array of sizes, then you will know that finding a pair of jeans that actually fits you properly is like finding Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket. Everyone's body shape is different and despite the wide variety of jeans that are on the market these days, (seriously, does anyone really understand what 'boyfriend jeans' are?) it can be a strenuous task to find a pair of jeans that fits you just right. When you do manage to hit the jackpot and discover the jeans that are right for you, they become your go-to fashion item for every occasion. I suppose I am a bit of a hoarder when it comes to clothes and I will wear things until they are threadbare rags. If I find clothes that I like, I will keep them for years and will continue to wear them despite looking like an extra in Angela's Ashes. A good pair of jeans become your saviour when you can't find anything to wear. You know that your old reliable jeans will always be there to be paired with a 'nice top' on those nights when you have half a bottle of wine in you and decide on a last minute trip to the pub. I have no shame in admitting that I have worn the same pair of jeans for days, sometimes weeks, without washing them. Putting your good jeans in the wash is like Russian roulette as you might not need them but could find yourself in a desperate situation, such as the one mentioned above, with absolutely nothing to wear except some leggings that are covered in dog hair. For this reason, I feel that I am doing myself a favour by not washing my jeans. I don't care if I've been wearing them for two weeks straight, sure spraying deodorant on them is basically like dry shampoo for clothes right?

'Missing out'

I can safely say that I am not a person who suffers from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Perhaps when I was younger this was something that bothered me a lot more like when I couldn't bear to miss out on walking aimlessly around town with my friends on a Saturday in case I wasn't there when someone made a joke that would be repeated in school for weeks afterwards.

As I've gotten older, and my interest in social events has dwindled, I realise that going out is not something that is an integral part of my life. When I see photos on Facebook of people my age going on nights out, I don't feel like I desperately NEED to be doing that too in order to feel like I'm enjoying myself. Sometimes it can feel like everyone else is moving ahead of you while you're still stuck in the same place. Social media can make us feel inadequate when we see our peers going backpacking around the world or starting their dream job and you begin to wonder what the hell you're going to do with your life. You have to remember that everyone's life moves at a different pace and someone else's goals and ambitions may not necessarily be the same as yours. When I see others making great achievements, I try not to look at it in a way which makes me feel like I'm missing out but more so as inspiration to get where I want to be (wherever that may be). You are bound to feel like a sack of shite at times, we all have our bad days, but just remember that you don't have to have everything figured out right now and you will get there in the end.

Six Lessons I've Learned From Having Red Hair

Apart from the dreaded question of “What are you going to do with your degree?”, my most frequently asked questions are usually regarding my hair. “Is it hard to keep?”, “How often do you dye it?”, “Does it cost a lot of money?” (Someone even once asked me if this was my natural hair colour…) As anyone who has dyed hair will know, maintaining bright colours can often be, for lack of a better phrase, a pain in the arse. As the great Dolly Parton once said “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap” In my case it costs a lot of willpower and dry shampoo to look like a Disney character at the ripe old age of 23. Here is a list of six things that I’ve learned from having bright red hair…

1. For the love of God, don't bleach your hair at home

Like many other millennials, most of my hair and makeup skills have been acquired through the glorious beacon of YouTube Beauty Gurus (You know, those beautiful people who make everything look sooo effortless and give you hope that your ratchet ass could one day be as fantastic as they are) This has resulted in many tried and tested home hairdressing jobs which usually left me wallowing in self-pity as I realised I would never turn my Mia Wallace bob into a pastel pink unicorn mane (no matter how easy the tutorial looked!)

 

 

Unlike Pinterest boards or Kylie Jenner would have you believe, it is almost impossible to dye your hair from black to blonde in one go.  It is a gradual process which involves burning bleach and various shades of sludgey orange. Bleaching your hair is serious business, especially if you have fine or damaged hair. Although it can be pricey, it’s definitely something that should be left to the professionals unless you want half of your hair to disintegrate and fall out (believe me, I’ve been there)

2. It doesn't last long

It may sound silly but that maintaining bright colours can sometimes feel like a full-time job. Having red hair can be tough as it is one of the hardest colours to manage as the dye starts to fade after just one wash. Luckily for me, I manage to get a few days out of my hair before it starts to get greasy which suits me perfectly as I am lazy af and can usually only commit to washing my hair once a week (twice if I’m feeling particularly energetic) This does help my colour to last longer but I still have to touch it up about once a week. As I have better things to be doing than washing my hair every day, like doing Buzzfeed quizzes that tell you what type of tampon you are, dry shampoo has become my lord and saviour. I rely on it so much that I should genuinely have shares in Batiste at this stage. People often compliment me on my hair and tell me it looks so vibrant and fresh, little do they know it hasn’t been washed in days and if you get too close you can get the faint smell of the Dominos garlic dough balls I had the other night. 

 

3. Your bathroom will look like a crime scene

Applying your colour at home is a process that does get easier after you’ve done it a few times but if you’re anything like me, by that I mean a complete slob, then it is inevitable that you will wreck the gaf. Red hair dye does not agree with white tiling and I have stained the grout in my shower so much that it permanently looks like the bathroom in Cabin One at the Bate’s Motel.

 

 

 

The same goes for your pillows, bed sheets, white clothes or pretty much anything that comes in contact with your newly coloured hair. If I was a superhero (or more likely a super villain) my calling card would be a little red patch on a white pillowcase.  I do not consider myself a perfectionist when it comes to anything other than consuming an entire spice bag in under ten minutes, so when it comes to dying my hair I pretty much just slather it all over my head and hope for the best. Because of this I usually have red stains all over my neck, ears, arms and any other exposed body part. This is a problem that could probably be easily solved by taking the proper precautions and covering myself with a towel or something but that would require way too much effort for my lazy ass.

 

4. The elements are your enemy

When you have red hair, getting caught in the rain without an umbrella is no longer just a mild inconvenience. It will have you running and cowering in fear like the Wicked Witch of The West when she sees Dorothy coming with the bucket. Holidays become a lot more stressful as swimming pools, water parks and any other water based activities suddenly seem like nuclear war zones.  Paddling around with your head above water is about as much fun as you’ll get unless you’d rather rock a rubber swimming cap.

So now that water is out of the question, you turn to your old (and rarely spotted) friend, Mr Sun. So maybe the swimming pool is out of the question but you can always relax by the pool and sunbathe, right? WRONG! Sun exposure is damaging to all hair types but it especially does not agree with dyed hair at all. As Ireland hasn’t seen the sun in 1000 years, this doesn’t pose a problem but when travelling to hotter climates, your luxurious red locks will be pulverised to peach fuzz.


5. Your colour palette is limited

The whole concept of matching your hair with your outfit sounds like a good idea on paper but red clothes usually do you no favours at all. This depends on what shade your hair is in comparison to the colour of the outfit, and many beautiful red heads have slayed this look on the red carpet. However, when I wear red I look less like Jessica Rabbit and more like that Snapchat filter that turns your head into a giant tomato. The same goes for pink and purple. Some daring fashionistas might be able to pull off this look but I personally just end up looking like that dog in the stripy onesie. Not only clothes but pink/purple lipsticks are also a no go area for me. I’m sure there is a way of creating some sort of complimentary red hair/pink lips look, but I have the makeup skills of a caveman so I will save myself the disappointment.

6. People love a good chat

It goes without saying that having brightly coloured hair does attract attention when you’re out in public. Although a lot of the time this comes in the form of compliments from nice old women and curious kids, you do get some obnoxious assholes who single you out like you’re in a freak show. Red hair also seems to act as a flashing neon sign that welcomes strangers to you when you’re out in the pub. Honestly, I don’t know what it is but people seem to think that when you have bright hair that you’re up for all sorts of divilment. You get people striking up conversations with you by calling out “Howiya redzer!” or the more straightforward “Looka her hayor!” as they mosey on over to you like they just spotted Ronald McDonald handing out free balloons. In these cases, a gesture of well-intended craic often ends up with them spilling their life story out to you in the corner of a beer garden at two in the morning while you sit and contemplate becoming a brunette…