Ah March, that time of the year when New Year's resolutions already seem like a distant memory. When all those hopes you had of going for runs every day and drinking green smoothies have been tossed in favour of spice bags and cans. If you're like me and have accepted the fact that you have no willpower when it comes to dieting, you begin to look at other areas of your life and wonder what you can do to feel less shit (with absolutely minimal effort). Of course! A spring clean. A new outlook on life, out with the old and in with the new, a healthy space leads to a healthy mind...and all those other 'feel good' slogans that you see printed on Pennys workout gear. What better place to start than your wardrobe. They say that a wardrobe clear out can do wonders. You throw out all your old crap and suddenly find your true sense of self as you're free from all the bad stuff that's cluttering up your life. Sounds like a wonderful, spiritual experience right? WRONG! Maybe I'm not a mindful person. Or maybe I'm just the human equivalent of Oscar the Grouch. Either way, I think we can all agree that clearing out your wardrobe can be an extremely stressful task. Here are the five emotional stages one goes through when attempting a wardrobe clear out...
Determination
You start of with the best intentions. You're sick of looking at a messy wardrobe and you want a fresh, new start. You have your roll of bin bags on hand and you're ready to get ruthless. You're going to get rid of every piece of crap you haven't worn in the last six months. One bag for the bin and anything that doesn't have tan or any other unidentifiable stain on it will be sent to the charity shop (because you're new-found Zen has made you care about the human race). You're ready to get stuck in and not stop until every peplum top from 2010 is out of your sight for good.
Confusion
About mid-way through (when your organisation technique is slowly beginning to wear thin) you're hit with that nagging confusion and begin to wonder how the hell you managed to accumulate so many clothes. Where did they all come from?! And how, despite this mass cultivation of crap, do you never seem to have anything to wear? This question is later answered as you delve deeper into the abyss and discover things which make you question your own mental stability. A metallic wrap dress with a Boohoo tag still attached to it. Purple jeans that have zips going down the side of the legs. When were these ever a thing and why on earth did you pay money for them?!
Nostalgia
After the determination has worn off and you become buried under a mountain of polyester, you begin to dig out some old gems that briefly distract you from the horror at hand. That string top you wore every day in summer 2007, your first pair of converse, numerous items of clothing that you 'borrowed' from your friends. Each one reminds you of a different period of your life, both good and band, which makes it hard to ever get rid of them. This nostalgia usually leads to you wasting at least thirty minutes trying to squeeze back into your old bodycon dresses and convincing yourself that you can't throw out those diamanté cowboy boots. Sure if you throw them away then there's no doubt you'll be invited to a Western-themed birthday party next week and you'll be absolutely raging.
Regret
After the nostalgia has worn away, and you finally accept the fact that you're just not fitting into those old disco pants, you begin to wonder why the hell you started this in the first place. Sitting on your bedroom floor, as mountains of clothes pile up around you, you cast your mind back to a few hours previous when you had such high hopes of getting your life together. You were so determined to get this done and, like a fool, you believed in yourself! As you look around the room, surveying the chaos that you created, you start to imagine how big the crane will be when they have to rip off the roof and lift you out after you become consumed by the mess in your cesspit of a bedroom.
Acceptance
After numerous mini-meltdowns you eventually pull yourself together and decide to power through so you can finally be rid of this horrible task. You're filling up bin bags left, right and centre and you finally start to see the mess subside. Your wardrobe becomes visible again and you start hanging and folding every item of clothing neatly and precisely. You promise yourself that you will continue doing this from now on and you will never let your wardrobe get that bad again. As you stand back and look at your newly organised wardrobe, you feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment. You remind yourself how good it feels when things are neat and in order. But who are you kidding? Although this provides you with a mild sense of satisfaction, you know deep down that you have no real intentions of keeping things tidy and those bin bags full of clothes will probably sit on the landing for the next two months until you finally get rid of them...
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